I have been through a lot in my life thus far and my biggest testimony is that God has kept me through it all. When I was young around six years old, I was molested and sexually abused by my stepbrother and his cousin. Forced to keep quiet, I dealt with a lot of issues with my confidence, sexuality, and most importantly my faith. I really questioned why God allowed this horrible thing to happen to me.
I was already dealing with a host of things. Getting used to my mother’s new husband and life without my father were just a few of those. Being molested at a young age, caused me to have a lot of mind battles. By the age of fifteen, I was addicted to pornography, masturbation, and anything sexual. I lost my virginity and I was also confused as to whether I liked girls or boys. I knew it was wrong but my flesh still wanted to be involved in those things. I begged and pleaded for God to change me. I was dealing with these things on my own or so I thought, but I began to pray my own way through it.
Praying and journaling have always been an outlet for me. You may never really think that God, being omniscient and omnipresent, would be able to answer your prayers through your written words, but He did. I am thankful for those intimate moments I had with him because they have kept me even through college. When I felt abandoned by God, He was surely still looking out for me. I am now twenty years old, living in a single dorm which allows me to have my personal quiet time with God. I love it because prayer is what really builds that relationship with God.
Although I will never understand why He took me through the things He did I’ll make sure that I tell anyone and everyone how He kept me and brought me through. A favorite passage of mine that I love to read is Psalms 61 and 62. When my heart is overwhelmed I always seek God’s face. Just being in His presence is enough to keep me calm and that has kept me and has sustained me thus far.